His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
