He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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