I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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