No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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