I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
