my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
