Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
