Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize