Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
