I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
