So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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