the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
