great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
