I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
