I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
