I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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