Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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