You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
His hands were made for my vagina.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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