I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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