I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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