How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
where are my eyebrows?
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