I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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