But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
