Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
