we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
