Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
