my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
