did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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