how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
