Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
