In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
