Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I smell like Dick and happiness
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