i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
