Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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