I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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