I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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