Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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