I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
