ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
