I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
