I love black thongs
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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