A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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