He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You took a bar mat shot.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize