Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
