id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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