your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i would punch a child for taco bell
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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