Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
