Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His hands were made for my vagina.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My penis needs a shock collar
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
