we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
