Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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