i would punch a child for taco bell
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
