Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
