That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
