I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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