imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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