the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
