You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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