I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
