how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
