that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
