your room smells of hookers.
And success
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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