Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize