8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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