New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
