Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize