alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
