I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
