my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No subtext here. People are naked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
