im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
