Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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