His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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