Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
