My pussy is not your playground.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
