Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
