I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
