grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
