is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
