Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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