I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
