Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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