No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
