my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
