apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Randomize
