i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you win again, gameday.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize