Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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