Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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