so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
