Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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