I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
