Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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