Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
