Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
