I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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