I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
false alarm, still single
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize