wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
