you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
