too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
