did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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