Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
