I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
